Moroccan Eggplant Dip

Paris Hilton wouldn’t touch your Dallas Jail House Chili, and neither would I. Much too hot.

Do you know what I just heard? Fox television has an upcoming Paris and Nicole Ritchie series called “Summer Camp”, or some such thing scheduled for this summer. Now, isn’t this a coincidence?

New series. Needs publicity. Paris gets arrested and sent to jail. Paris is all the news on the entertainment shows. Could it be that this was all just a publicity stunt to promote their new series? I wouldn’t put it past a Hollywood publicity agency.

She’s probably only going to spend a few days in the slammer in a celebrity setting. Now, here is next summer’s series: “Paris Goes To Jail.”

I did find just the thing for Paris and Nicole to take to their Summer Camp. It is THE deluxe Picnic Basket. It comes with melamine plates, wine glasses, cotton napkins, stainless steel flatware service for 4, cheese knife, wood cutting board, corkscrew, & glass salt & pepper shakers. Everything that any pair of campers would need to less-than-rough it at Camp.

This Moroccan Eggplant Dip is just the sort of appetizer that some professional chef would slip into their picnic basket.

Moroccan Eggplant Dip:

3 tablespoons oil
1 large, peeled and diced eggplant
1 (8 oz.) can of tomato sauce
2 cloves of galic-minced in garlic press
1 green pepper-chopped
1 tablespoon cumin
1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper
2 tablespoons sugar
1 teaspoons salt
1 teaspoon dried oregano
1/4 cup red wine vinegar
1 can (8 oz.) mandarin oranges
1/4 cup cilantro-chopped

Heat the oil in a large skillet. Add the eggplant, tomato sauce, garlic, pepper, cumin, cayenne, sugar, salt, oregano, vinegar and drained orange sections. Cover and cook on medium heat for 20 minutes.

Uncover, bring heat to high and cook until mixture is reduced to about 3 cups. Cool. Puree in a food processor. Chill in refrigerator for at least 3 hours. Stir in the fresh cilantro right before serving with fancy crackers.

Real Prison Chili

Mel, from the Diner, loved your DUI Rum Cream Pie recipe, and he figured that our local sheriff would love it too.

Mel says we are all wrong on the food for a “Free Paris Hilton” promotion party. He says that it ought to be the real McCoy. The kind of food that they REALLY serve in prison. So, I checked it out, and would you believe that there really are web sites with actual prison food? Mel recommended this one from the Dallas, Texas Jail:

Dallas Jail House Chili: Original Dallas Jail House Chili No. 3523 Yields 4 Servings

2 Cups Beef Suet
1 1/2 tsp Dried Sweet Red Chile Pods, Ground
4 Lb Coarsely Ground Beef
3 Cloves Garlic, Crushed
3 Cups Water
1 1/2 Tbls Paprika
8 oz Canned Beef Broth
3 tsp Gebhardts Chile Powder
4 oz Canned Tomato Paste
1 tsp Cumin Seeds
Masa Harina
1 tsp Salt
1 tsp White Pepper, Ground

Melt the suet in a large, heavy skillet or kettle. Add the ground beef, chopped garlic and seasonings. Cover. Cook over very low heat, stirring occasionally, for 4 hours. Add the water, broth and tomato paste. Continue cooking until the stew thickens slightly (about 1 hour). Add masa harina as needed to thicken the chili as desired.

Cumin, chile powder, garlic, and dried sweet red chile pods(to taste I suppose). This sounds pretty HOT to me.

DUI Pie

Max, I’m glad to see that you have finally learned to cook like a Southerner–forget that vanilla and pour on the Bourbon, Whiskey, Brandy, Rum. Of course, I noticed that this was a recipe that you picked up in Tennessee.

Yes, I checked out the “Free Paris Hilton” radio promotion. Now, every good promotion should be launched with a party and plenty of good food. Your Tennessee Fudge Cake would be nice on a reception table, and the station could probably pick up some really good locally grown strawberries for the garnish, but let me submit this dessert as the piece d’resistance for a “Free Paris” reception. The original name was Rum Cream Pie, but I think under the circumstances that it should be renamed the “Paris DUI Pie.”

As my husband says, “Don’t eat and drive after this Rum Pie, or you will get a Hilton DUI.”

DUI Rum Cream Pie:

1 prebaked and cooled pastry shell of your choice, 9 or 10 inch size
1 envelope (2 teaspoons) unflavored gelatin
1/2 cup cold water
6 egg yolks
1 cup sugar
1/3 cup dark rum
1 1/2 cups heavy cream

Chill a stand mixer bowl and a set of beaters.

Sprinkle the gelatin over the cold water in a small sauce pan. Stir constantly over low heat until the gelatin dissolves. Set aside to cool.

Beat the egg yolks and sugar with a mixer until they are thick and light colored. Stir in the cooled gelatin and gradually add the rum while beating slowly.

With the chilled bowl and beaters, whip the heavy cream until there are stiff peaks.

Fold the whipped cream with a whisk or broad spatula into the gelatin mixture. Set this bowl in a larger bowl of ice water and whisk for 10 to 15 minutes. The mixture should mound on a spoon, or be the consistency of raw egg whites.

At once, spoon the mixture into the prepared pastry shell. Cover with plastic wrap to protect the flavor, and chill at least 6 hours.

Rum Topping for Pie:

1/2 cup heavy cream
1 tablespoon powdered sugar
1 tablespoon dark rum
Grated chocolate or curls for garnish (Optional)

Just before serving, whip the heavy cream. When soft peaks form, add the sugar and rum, then beat until medium stiff. You can make a whipped cream ring around the edge or the Pie, or serve a large dollop on each piece. Garnish with chocolate curls.

Eat and enjoy, just don’t eat and drive, or you might be saying to the officer, “Officer, I have not been drinking. All I had were two pieces of pie for the road.”

Free Paris Hilton Radio Promotion

Erma dear, it has been a lovely Memorial Day weekend here. We were able to grill out between showers, even if the deck was wet. We had our first new peas which are always a treat.

I suppose you watched the Indy 500, only this one will have to go down as the Indy 450? We saw your Ashley Judd from Kentucky standing out in the rain. I didn’t know her husband was a racecar driver. Is she still the biggest Kentucky Basketball fan?

Talk around town is still the Paris Hilton thing. At least half my friends are certain that she won’t spend a day in jail. I don’t either, but it certainly has focused attention on the girl, and isn’t that what Hollywood is all about?

One of our sponsors, www.farmtoysandmore.com happened to have a Paris Hilton clock up on the Internet when the latest bru-ha-ha hit. They said the interest suddenly jumped. Then radio station WCVQ in Clarksville, Tennessee contacted them to be a part of their “Free Paris Hilton” promotion this week. Five of our Paris Hilton Celebrity Clocks will be given away in their promotion. Check it out at www.q108.com. Someway I think that those down home Tennessians will be voting for a looooong jail term for Miss Hilton.

The last time I was down visiting friends in Nashville, they served a luscious Tennessee Fudge Cake topped with a Hot Chocolate Sauce and ripe strawberries. Let me tell you, those Tennessee ladies know how to make you forget you are on a diet. Paris herself might be tempted to indulge in this chocolate dream.

Tennessee Fudge Cake:

2 cups of sugar
2 cups flour
1 stick of butter
1/2 cup Crisco
4 tablespoons of cocoa
1 cup water
1/2 cup buttermilk
1 tablespoon baking soda
2 eggs, slightly beaten
1 tablespoon vanilla

Mix the flour, sugar, and baking soda in a large mixing bowl. In a large sauce pan, bring the butter, Crisco, cocoa and water to a rapid boil. Cook for one minute. Mix the buttermilk, eggs, and vanilla with a whisk. Pour the hot liquid over the flour and still well; then stir in the egg mixture until all is smooth. Batter will be thin. Pour into a 9 x 15 baking pan, and bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes.

While the cake bakes, make the Hot Chocolate Sauce:

1 and 3/4 cups of sugar
2 tablespoons cocoa
2/3 cup of milk
2 tablespoons of butter
1 teaspoon Jack Daniels (that’s the Tennessee touch, vanilla also works)

In medium sauce pan mix the sugar, cocoa, milk and butter. Bring to a boil and cook for one minute. Stir in the Jack Daniels (vanilla). Serve the Hot Chocolate Sauce hot over the cake.

Note when this sauce cools, the sugar becomes grainy. Don’t worry, when it is reheated (a minute in the microwave usually does it), it returns to a smooth sauce. My husband has been known to stir a teaspoon of this into a cup of hot coffee for a rich chocolately drink.

The Tennessee ladies dipped ripe strawberries in the Hot Chocolate Sauce about half way up the berry and then chilled them in the fridge.

When they served this, the cake was room temperature, the Sauce was hot, and the strawberry was on the side with a few sliced strawberries scattered over the sauce. Talk about rich!!!

Mel’s Diner’s House Dressing

Erma dear, I have a recipe from Mel at the Diner that you would actually approve of, and under the right conditions, such as entertaining all the Royals from Buckingham Palace, use. Why, even Paris Hilton and the jailed celebrities in Hollywood would drizzle some of this over their lettuce salads. Mel sometimes uses this in place of plain mayonnaise in making Macaroni Salad.

No, it is not from Mel’s Navy cooking days, so it is quite suitable for you. Mel got this one from another restaurant owner, and it is so popular that Mel makes it by the gallon. You can even buy it in pint or quart jars at the Diner, and plenty of people do.

Mel’s Diner’s House Dressing:

64 ounces of sour cream
4 quarts of mayonnaise
5 quarts of buttermilk
3 pounds Parmesan cheese
1 cup of green onions
3 tablespoons of minced garlic
1 cup of Worcestershire sauce
3 tablespoons of ground mustard (dry kind)
1 tablespoon salt
1 tablespoon black pepper

Grate the Parmesan cheese with a cheese grater. In a large soup pot use a large stirring spoon and blend all the ingredients. Store in a gallon glass jars if you have them, or large storage containers with lids. This will last a good week in the refrigerator. Since this makes three gallons, plan on cutting the recipe down to a manageable size or having a BIG party.

Erma’s Grandmother’s Grandmother’s Prunes

Max, all this talk about Paris Hilton and jail house food reminds me of the all-time favorite breakfast food that is so beloved by hospitals and other institutions that give food a bad name. Stewed Prunes. Doesn’t just the name bring up a memory of a black mess sitting in a heavy, white crockery bowl?

Say the word prunes and most people screw up their faces and assume a pained look. Prunes are what you eat then you are “irregular.” Prunes are what is next to the oatmeal on hospital trays. Pity the poor prune. They have an image problem. If there was ever a fruit that needed a makeover and a new image, it is the prune.

But I’ll let you in on a little secret, Max. There is a way to make the prune a gourmet treat. It’s an old Southern secret that came down to me from my grandmother who got it from her grandmother.

Erma’s Grandmother’s Grandmother’s Prunes:

Open a package of prunes. Place them in a large jar with a tight fitting lid. (I use Square Canister Jars) Pour a quarter to a half-cup of good brandy over the prunes. Leave tightly covered for at least a week. Every day or so shake the jar or turn it upside down so that all the prunes are marinated in the brandy. They are ready to eat when most of the brandy is absorbed. Keep adding brandy and prunes to the jar as you use them up. They will keep almost forever.

These are so moist they are almost like candy. If you are so inclined, you can make an appetizer with them by carefully slitting one side open with–kitchen shears and stuffing with soft cream cheese. Serve on a cocktail pick.

If the prune grower’s association would market these as Brandied Prunes, they would find a whole new market for their maligned fruit.

Don’t stop with Prunes in Brandy. Soak Raisins in Bourbon, Currents in Rum, Apricots in a sweet Fruit Brandy. The sky is the limit here and so are the combinations.

The origins of this technique date back a century or so ago when dried fruits were really sun dried and quickly became hard. Look at old baking recipes and you will discover that frequently the recipe will call for soaking the dried fruit overnight, or bringing it to a boil in water so that the fruit would be softer.

Probably the idea for spirit soaked dried fruit came through fruitcake recipes that suggested soaking the fruit in brandy before baking. From there, some bright cook thought, if it works for fruitcakes, it would work for other recipes too.

Remember that until a few years ago, once you opened a box of raisins, they started getting hard and tasteless. Use my “secret” and you will never have a hard dried fruit.

We all know that raisins and prunes are so good for you, and high in iron. If you preserve and store them my way, there are always ready to use. You might have to hide your canister set because family members will take to snacking on your treats.

Romanian Stuffed Cabbage Rolls

Erma’s Tuna Casserole? Erma, you must be daffy, or did you have a few too many of those Derby Mint Juleps? You are just not the Tuna Noodle Casserole kind of cook. Nor would you ever serve this jail house favorite.

Remember the scene in the movie, “The Blues Brothers?” Where Elwood, Joliet Jake, and Matt “Guitar” Murphy are discussing the foods they remember from the various correctional institutions they have eaten? Jake recalls the Wicked Pepper Steak they served on Thursday at Joliet, while “Guitar” Murphy says it couldn’t be as bad as the Cabbage Roll the served at the Terre Haute Federal Pen.

I don’t know how, or even want to think about, how the Terre Haute Pen did Cabbage Rolls, but in the right hands Cabbage Rolls can be wonderful. Here is an authentic Romanian Stuffed Cabbage Rolls that is a favorite all over eastern Europe. Since it is so inexpensive, and so smelly cooking, Paris Hilton would turn up her nose at this peasant dish. She would be missing a treat. I’ll bet that this is not on the menu of the L.A. County Correctional Facility for Celebs and White Collar Crimes.

Romanian Stuffed Cabbage Rolls:

2 tablespoons oil
3 garlic cloves
1 onion
1 cup mildly hot green peppers
2 1/2 cups chicken broth
1/2 cup rice
1 tablespoon paprika
1 head of cabbage
3 cups drained fresh sauerkraut (the kind you find in the refrigerated section, not canned)
1 pound ground pork
1 egg
Salt and pepper to taste

Mince the garlic with a garlic press. Brown garlic, onion, and peppers in oil until wilted in a large saucepan with a lid. Add 1 cup of the broth, rice, paprika, salt and pepper. Cover and simmer for about 10 minutes. Cool.

Core the cabbage and pull off the leaves whole. In a large pot of salted water blanch the leaves for about 2 minutes. Drain them and let cool. Cut out the tough white base of each leaf.

In heavy dutch oven, pour in about 2 cups of the sauerkraut.

Mix ground pork with the cooled rice, and egg. Open out a cabbage leaf and place some of the pork mixture in the center. Carefully roll up, folding in the sides as you roll to make a neat roll.

Place rolls on the kraut in dutch oven and spread the remaining cup of kraut and broth over the rolls. Bring to a simmer and cook covered for about 75 minutes. Serves 8.

This is hearty winter fare. A dark pumpernickel bread would be good with this.

Many people turn up their noses at kraut, and frankly, some is limp and smelly. If you don’t have homemade kraut, use only the kind that comes in plastic bags and is refrigerated. If you don’t use all of a bag at once, just put the remainder in a zip lock bag, or a storage container with a lid. It will keep indefinitely in the fridge–like months even.

Now a little German secret. Sprinkle a little caraway seeds and a teaspoon or so of brown sugar in with the kraut. This really perks up the kraut. You could do the same with the above recipe.

Jail House Tuna Noodle Casserole

That old Perfection Salad reminded me of another old time favorite that probably made the jail scene since it is so cheap and easy to throw together. Remember Tuna Noodle Casserole?
Imagine Paris Hilton’s delight at this starch heavy treat.

Jail House Tuna Noodle Casserole:

1 small can tuna, drained
1 can of cream of mushroom soup
1 bag of noodles, 12 to 20 ounces depending on how many you need to feed

Boil up the noodles. Heat the tuna and mushroom soup until hot. Stir into noodles and serve. Serves 6 to 10 to 14 to 18. Just increase the number of noodles. Oh, and be sure to over cook the noodles in plenty of heavily salted water. Noodles should be nice and limp

Or you can dress up that original 1950’s recipe and serve it the way my kids loved it.

Erma’s Tuna Noodle Casserole:

1 small can tuna, drained
1 can of cream of chicken soup
1 diced green onion with the green tops
1 cup sour cream
12 ounces of thin cut noodles
1 can French Fried Onions

Boil the noodles in salted water, but do not let them get mushy. Brown the onion in butter in a small frying pan until the onions are limp. Mix tuna, soup, onions, and sour cream; then stir in the noodles. Place in a greased 9″ casserole. Bake for 15 minutes at 350 degrees. Top casserole with a layer of French Fried Onions. Bake for another 8 to 10 minutes.

Perfection Salad For 50

I’ve just the salad to go with your Monster Meat Loaf, Erma. It’s another of Mel’s Feed A Ship sized recipes. This is actually one of his smaller recipes. I guess sailors didn’t eat as much salad as they did desserts, or bean soup, as this one only makes 50 servings.

Perfection Salad For 50:

18 ounces of lemon Jell-O
2 3/4 quarts of boiling water
1/2 cup sweet pickle juice
3 large sweet pickles
1 bunch of celery
2 green peppers
2 heads of cabbage

Dissolve the lemon Jell-O in water and add pickle juice. Chill until it begins to set up. Chop pickles, celery, peppers, and cabbage in heavy duty food processor. Stir into lemon Jell-O and chill until firm. Cut in squares.

If you’re not up to serving 50 guests, here is a much better recipe that serves 6. It is an old Mennonite recipe from the 1930’s, but still is good. Perfection Salad originally was more of a winter dish because it featured cabbage which was always available in the winter while lettuce often disappeared off the store shelves. Today, Perfection Salad is better in the summer, or at least I think so. It’s such a nice change from the daily tossed lettuce salads

Mennonite Perfection Salad and Dressing:

2 tablespoons plain gelatin, like Knox’s
1/2 cup cold water
1/2 cup vinegar
Juice of 1 lemon
1 cup boiling water
1/2 cup sugar
Scant teaspoon salt
1 1/2 cups diced celery
1 1/2 cups shredded cabbage
3 chopped pimientos (or you can use a red or green pepper)

Soak gelatin in cold water, then add hot water, vinegar, lemon juice, salt and sugar. Chill. When thickened, stir in all the vegetables and chill until firm in a 13 inch casserole, or a fancy, mold like the KitchenAid Silicone Fluted Cake Pan. Top each serving with:

Dressing:

2/3 cup condensed milk
1/4 cup lemon juice
1 egg yolk
1 teaspoon dry mustard
Pinch salt

Using a whisk and a large mixing bowl, whip up until thick. Makes about a cup and a half. Store in a 2-cup Pyrex storage container. The extra keeps nicely for several days and is good on other salads as well.

Paris’s Tuesday Night Delight: Monster Meat Loaf

Well, Max, since we seem to be on a roll with the quantity recipes, here is a keeper. This one has been making the church supper circuit for some time, and I guess that you could triple, quadruple, or quintuple it to serve a whole jail full of Paris Hiltons, although Paris doesn’t look like the Meat Loaf type to me.

Monster Meat Loaf:

2 onions
5 ribs of celery
8 pounds of ground beef
1 teaspoon black pepper
1/4 cup Worcestershire sauce
1 large can (46 oz) tomato juice
4 cups of cracker crumbs or dry bread crumbs
2 envelopes of dried onion soup mix
6 eggs

Beat the eggs in a huge mixing bowl. Chop the onions and celery in a food processor. Mix the onions, celery, ground beef, pepper, soup mix, crumbs, Worcestershire, and tomato juice in with the eggs. Mix well with your hands, if you are not lucky enough to have a KitchenAid 5-Plus Professional Stand Mixer. If too moist, add a few more crumbs.

Divide into four parts. Shape each part into a loaf and place in a heavy, greased 3-qt. baking dish. Bake at 350 degrees for about 30 minutes.

Mix 1 cup ketchup, 1/3 cup brown sugar, 1/4 cup prepared mustard, and 1/4 teaspoon cinnamon. After the loaves have cooked for 30 minutes begin basting them with the ketchup sauce. A bbq basting brush is great for this. Bake for an additional 30 minutes and baste several more times.

This makes about 36 helpings of meat loaf.

Hurry Up Cake

Okay, Erma, you can get off your soap box, but I agree entirely with you. It’s like these Hollywood stars aren’t in unless they have drug convictions, DUI’s, fights, or stays in rehab on their resumes. Spoiled brats. That’s what they are.

Mel suggested last night that since Paris Hilton has that hotel and restaurant background that they assign her to the jail kitchen. “Teach her a good skill,” is what Mel said. “Like me. Navy taught me to cook, and now I have my own Diner If Paris could learn to cook, she could open her own restaurant afterwards and go straight.” Can’t you just imagine Paris in a big, white apron flipping the pancakes, and dishing up the Thursday Night Special of Chicken Fried Steak?

Mel still has the Navy cooking manual he used in the service, and he still uses some of the large quantity recipes. This one was called Hurry Up Cake, and it makes 100 servings.

Hurry Up Cake:

2 quarts of sifted flour
1 1/4 quarts of white sugar
5 tablespoons of baking powder
1 1/3 tablespoons of salt
2 cups of solid shortening
1 quart of milk
1 1/2 tablespoons of vanilla
1 teaspoon of lemon extract
12 egg whites

Mix everything together in a professional size mixer. The bigger the better. Beat until smooth for a couple of minutes. Pour into square silicone cake pans, or into cup cake papers set into 12 cup muffin tins. Bake the cakes at 350 degrees for about 35 minutes.

Mel says they called these Hurry Up Cakes because they were the quickest and easiest cakes to make. And they often made 4 or 5 makings of Hurry Up Cake so they could feed the whole crew. He says that sometimes the cooks would pour a fruit sauce over the squares, or put a dip of ice cream on them, but mostly it was plain.

Elementary School Stewed Tomatoes with Lima Beans

Max, I can’t thank you enough for that Lima Bean Soup recipe. You know how I hate the things! Probably my look would be as distasteful as Paris Hilton’s at seeing that on the menu, but that reminded me of another horrible lima bean dish from my childhood. In my elementary school, the cooks loved Stewed Tomatoes which seemed to appear on the menu at least once a week. Even now, almost half a century later, I can recall with shudder the dreadful smell this culinary travesty. It made everything in my lunch box taste bad and I would rush through eating just to get out of the cafeteria and its smell.

I wonder if the reason for the popularity (not a kid I knew would eat the stuff) of this dish was that no one would take a serving of it and so they didn’t have to fix much of it? There are actually recipes in old cookbooks for this, but in my school cafeteria recipes didn’t seem to matter. It was pretty much heat up something from a can. Here is how I would reconstruct this kid favorite.

Elementary School Stewed Tomatoes with Lima Beans:

Take a couple of commercial sized cans of whole tomatoes.Open and dump into a baking tray.Throw a few handfuls of crumbled crackers over tomatoes to absorb the excess juice.Dump in the lima beans leftover from the day before to add color.Bake until just barely hot.

This will serve hundreds of children.

Now the cafeteria ladies at my school weren’t total dunces. They knew that kids hated this thing so they would put out Weekly Menus that disguised the dish. It would appear as Winter Vegetable Casserole, or Tomatoes au Gratin, or Tomato Surprise. No matter what the name on the printed menu, it was exactly the same.

I was reminded of this recently when I reread conservative talk show host G. Gordon Liddy’s old biography Will. While in prison for refusing to testify about his part in the Watergate escapade, Liddy was given the job of trying to make the prison menu sound interesting and appealing. One of his literary inventions was something like Tomato Surprise which could be anything the cooks wanted it to be.

Call it what you wish, it was still Stewed Tomatoes and it is awful. Of course, that is my opinion. My husband says that while he was growing up he loved Stewed Tomatoes, and he occasionally will ask me to fix them. There are some things that no one should be asked to do, and fix Stewed Tomatoes, for me, is one of them. I am proud to say that they have NEVER appeared on my table.

Paris Hilton ought to read Will before she goes into the slammer. Liddy paints a graphic picture of what life was like in jail, and what he had to do to survive. The book is really about how Liddy developed the iron Will that made him such forceful character in American politics. Perhaps had Paris Hilton spent some time developing her character into a force for good, she wouldn’t be frittering her life away with parties and DUI’s.

Mel’s Lima Bean Soup for Paris Hilton

Well Erma, I have not fallen off the face of the earth. We have been dawn to dusk planting up here. What a contrast! You spending the week enjoying the festivities of the horsey set with the Derby, trying to catch a glimpse of Queen Elizabeth II, and me hauling soybean seeds out to the fields. Have our lives ever taken different paths.

The big story here, at least for gossip, is the Paris Hilton thing. Let me tell you, if the crowd down at the Diner had anything to say about her behavior and sentence, that young lady (wrong word of course) would be sitting behind bars for quite a while. There was lots of speculation as to what decorator would fix up her cell, or how the jail would provide her with a special cook and menu. Can’t you just see her face if she had to live and eat with regular inmates?

Mel Tomchak, who runs the Diner, learned to cook in the Navy and he regaled us with the vision of pouty, picky Paris going through the line to be given a bowl of Lima Bean Soup. Mel swears that on his ship there was a huge pot of Navy Bean or Lima Bean Soup out with every meal they served, and that included breakfast. Mel’s recipe for this delicacy serves a whopping 250 servings. Probably more, if there are Paris Hilton types who would pass on it. Just in case you ever need to feed a crowd, here is his recipe.

Mel’s Lima Bean Soup:

10 pounds dried lima beans
3 pounds ground ham or pork shoulder
6 chopped onions1 cup butter, or oil
1 quart diced celery
10 gallons of meat stock (use up those leftovers the Navy said)
2 huge (industrial size) cans tomato juice
Salt and pepper to taste

Soak the beans in water at least 12 hours. Meanwhile boil up a ham or shoulder until tender. Grind in food grinder or food grinder attachement 3 pounds of the ham scraps. Chop the onions and celery in the food chopper. Saute (Mel would say “brown”) the onions in the butter or oil. Mix everything together in a huge stock pot like the and simmer for a few hours, or days, if Mel is to be believed.

Kentucky Derby Pie

Finally what Derby Breakfast would be complete without Kentucky Derby Pie? This pie is a featured desert at many of Kentucky’s famed Resort State Parks. A tiny piece of this pie will keep you going until after the 6th Race at Churchill Downs.

The secret to this pie being “Kentucky” is using bourbon as flavoring instead of vanilla. It’s an old Kentucky cook’s secret–substitute a fine Kentucky bourbon in any recipe that calls for vanilla. You end up with a deeper, richer flavor.

Kentucky Derby Pie:

1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
½ cup butter, milted and cooled
1 cup sugar
1 teaspoon good bourbon
1 cup pecans, coarsely chopped
2 eggs, beaten
½ cup flour
1 unbaked pie shell
Whipped cream for garnish

For a pie this rich, a super rich crust is a must. Just make your regular crush recipe, but substitute real butter for the shortening. This will give you a yellow crust.

Mix the sugar, flour, eggs, and melted butter. Add the chocolate chips, bourbon, and pecans. Pour into the pie shell. Bake in a preheated oven at 350 degrees for 30 to 35 minutes, or until the surface is golden brown, and a knife inserted in the center comes out clean. If you bake this in a porcelain pie pan, remember that the heat in the pie and plate will continue to cook it even after it comes out of the oven. Watch carefully and don’t over bake.

Chill completely before serving with a dollop of whipped cream if desired. This is so rich that you will want the pieces small.

Okay, Max, I can hear you now. This is really nothing but a gussied up Pecan pie. So it is. But it is a Pecan Pie on steroids. Or it is a Pecan Pie on Bourbon and Chocolate Chips.

Congealed Pineapple and Cucumber Salad

Most Derby Breakfasts include a selection of salads, but this old gelatin salad is a favorite. It was already a standard before World War II, and has the advantage of being prepared days before the Breakfast. You doubt its age? Max, look at the name. When did you last hear of a gelatin salad that was called “Congealed”?

Congealed Pineapple and Cucumber Salad:

Pineapple Layer:
1 cup drained, crushed pineapple–save liquid
3-ounce package of lemon Jello
Pinch salt
½ cup grated carrots

To the drained pineapple juice add enough water to make 1 ¼ cups liquid. Bring liquid to boil and dissolve the Jello. Chill until slightly thickened. Stir in the salt, carrots, and pineapple. Chill overnight in a 8 x 13 casserole.

Cucumber Layer:

1 envelope unflavored gelatin
¼ cup cold water
1 cup mayonnaise
½ cup light cream
¼ teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon finely grated onion
12 cup chopped celery
½ cucumber, grated and drained
Green food coloring

For this layer, soften the gelatin in cold water. Combine the remaining ingredients, then add the gelatin. Add one drop green food coloring. You may need a second drop, but the effect is to be a delicate lime green. Pour this over the pineapple layer and chill until firm.

Cut into small squares and garnish with a mint strip, and perhaps a strawberry slice. At a regular meal this serves 6 to 8, but at a buffet it serves 10 to 12.

Bourbon Honey Mustard

Max, no Derby Breakfast would be complete with thin sliced Country Ham and Biscuits. In the old days that would have been Beaten Biscuits and real Country Ham, but let’s face it, not many people today have the time or the inclination to prepare either of these time and labor intensive recipes. Most people substitute a regular or spiral cut ham with a brown sugar type glaze and regular baking powder biscuits or tiny yeast rolls. With these Ham Biscuits some hostesses serve another Kentucky favorite: Bourbon Honey Mustard.

Bourbon Honey Mustard:

¾ cup Dijon style mustard
¼ vegetable oil
¼ cup honey
2 tablespoons dry mustard
2 tablespoons good bourbon

Bring all, except bourbon, to just a boil in a sauce pan, stirring constantly. Remove from heat, add bourbon and cool. Spoon into a heavy crock with tight lid. Store in the refrigerator, but serve at room temperature.

This makes about a cup and a quarter and is both spicy and sweet. This is also good on turkey or chicken sandwiches. Heck, this would make even a bologna sandwich taste good!

Derby Day Mint Juleps

Probably all the out of town guests at the Derby will order a Mint Julep. At home these would be served in heavy sterling silver cups with your monogram. When the staved ice is poured into the cup, the outside acquires a trademark frost.

At Churchill Downs, they are served in a glass julep glass that is dated and decorated for each Derby. Many people have a collection that runs back for decades. A fellow I know searches the Internet to find the missing years of his collection.

Derby Day Mint Juleps:

Fresh mint
Sugar
Finest Kentucky Bourbon
Crushed Ice

Make a simple syrup of 1 part cold water to 2 parts sugar. Boil for 5 minutes and cool. To a pint of syrup, add the leaves of about 12 sprigs of mint. Store overnight, and strain out the leaves in the morning.

To serve, fill the julep cup full of crushed ice. The automatic ice crusher is great for this. Pour 2 jiggers of bourbon and a jigger of syrup. Stir and garnish with a sprig of fresh mint.

Warning: These can be lethal and addicting.

Dorothy B’s Potato Casserole

Another traditional fixture at a Derby Breakfast would be a rich potato casserole. I suppose every cook has her favorite version of this classic, but mine comes from one of the most unique individuals I ever met. Dorothy was a blue-haired grande dame who was seldom seen without a cigarette held in an elegant gold edged cigarette holder. Her nails were long and painted a deep red, and she always wore several large diamond rings.

One day she appeared with a massive diamond solitaire set in a heavy gold setting. Her husband had inherited it from a distant gambler relative and he refused to wear it because it was so ostentatious. Dorothy told him that there was no diamond so big that she wouldn’t wear it, so she had it cut down for her pinky. It was immensely ugly, but it was Dorothy, and she often wore it to her weekly Bridge Club’s parties. That gambler’s ring must have felt right at home for Dorothy played Bridge with all the intensity of a hardened gambler at Vegas.

Dorothy also laid out a fabulous spread at her Bridge parties. One of her stalwarts was Dorothy B’s Potato Casserole. Her original recipe calls for boiling 6 to 7 potatoes, then cooling, peeling, and grating the potatoes. When Dorothy was preparing her casserole, frozen hash browns were a thing of the future. She would have been the first to drop that messy potato grating for the convenience of frozen hash browns as she didn’t like to get her well manicured fingers dirty.

Dorothy spent her last years playing in Bridge tournaments and using her needlepoint skills to decorate the vestments and kneelers at her church. When Dorothy arrived at the Pearly Gates, she probably pointed her cigarette holder at St. Peter and demanded to know where the Heavenly Ladies Bridge Club met.

This casserole is just like Dorothy. “There is nothing too rich that I won’t eat it.”

Dorothy B’s Potato Casserole:

1 package (2 pounds) frozen hash brown potatoes
¼ cup of butter
1 can cream of chicken soup
1 pint of sour cream
1/3 cup of chopped green onions
1 ½ cups grated cheddar cheese
Seasoned dry breadcrumbs mixed with a little melted butter (Optional)

Melt the butter, then mix in with the chicken soup, sour cream, onions, and cheese. Then add the potatoes and mix well. Bake in a well buttered 9 x 12 inch casserole for 45 to 60 minutes at 350 degrees. Dorothy always used the breadcrumbs to make a decorative border about an inch wide around the edge of the dish, and sometimes she sprinkled a little additional cheese on top for the last few minutes.

This is an excellent choice for the buffet table, as it still tastes good when cooling down to room temperature. For a little different look, try substituting a package of frozen shoestring potatoes for the hash browns, which makes this more of a country style dish.

Dorothy always fixed this casserole up to the part of adding the crumbs the day before her Bridge Club met. She would take it out of the fridge the next morning so it would be room temperature by lunch and add the crumb border Dorothy’s recipe said that this serves 6. In today’s calorie conscious world, it is more like 10 servings. Perhaps slapping those cards down on the table ate up more calories than you would think.

Famous Kentucky Cheese Wafers

To balance the cool Benedictine Canapes, some hostesses would include the hot Famous Kentucky Cheese Wafers. This is another at least a century old treat that is still welcomed at Derby Breakfasts.

Famous Kentucky Cheese Wafers:

1-cup butter–no substitutes here–and cold
2 cups flour
½ pound sharp cheddar cheese
1 beaten egg
Paprika, poppy seeds, sesame seeds

For an even, rich orange color, the cheese needs to be grated very fine. If you have a electric mincer attachment for your mixer use it, or with a hand grater use the finest grade. A food processor generally does not work for this as it will turn the cheese into a pulp and you want tiny strands of cheese.

Mix the butter, flour, and cheese in a food processor, or with your hands until it just makes a dough. Don’t overwork, but make sure the cheese is well incorporated–which is why it needs to be so fine.

Roll out on floured board very thin, and cut with a small fancy cutter. Place on an ungreased cookie sheet and brush tops with the beaten egg. Sprinkle on poppy or sesame seeds if desired. Bake at 350 degrees for 10 minutes, but watch as they burn easily. As soon as they come out of the oven, sprinkle with paprika and salt if not using seeds.

Serve hot. This makes about 75 Wafers.

You can make the dough up in advance. Just wrap it in plastic wrap and let come to room temperature before cutting. Wafers reheat fairly well in a hot oven, and can be stored in a airtight container.

Benedictine Sandwich Spread

Well Max, I hope you watched the Kentucky Derby Saturday. No, as usual, I did not pick the winner Street Sense, but I did pick the number two horse. It was a perfect spring day for the race, not too warm and no rain. And it was perfect weather for the Derby Breakfasts that morning. For some reason we still call them Breakfasts although served late in the morning, and they are hearty enough to keep you going until after the race.

One of the very unique Kentucky appetizers that always appeared on the buffet table was Benedictine Canapes. This cream cheese based spread was reportedly invented by a famous Louisville caterer, Miss Jennie Benedict, who was THE social caterer nearly a century ago. It became a fixture at all the best teas, cocktail parties, and weddings.

Can’t you just imagine Queen Elizabeth II in her lime green hat nibbling on these lime green Benedictine canapes at her Derby Breakfast?

Benedictine Sandwich Spread:

1 (8 oz) cream cheese, room temperature
1 cucumber1 small sweet onion
Mayonnaise
2 or 3 drops of green food coloring
Dash of Tabasco sauce.

Grate the cucumber and sweet onion to a near pulp in a food processor. Add the softened cream cheese, Tabasco and a drop of green food coloring. Blend. Add a tablespoon of mayonnaise at a time until you get a smooth filling that will spread easily. If necessary add another drop or two of green food coloring. The spread should just be a very pale green.

Cut cocktail rye, pumpernickle, or other sturdy dark breads into fancy shapes with a cookie cutter, or bite sized squares and strips. Spread with Benedictine just before setting out the tray of canapes.

Spring Salad Dressing from Louisiana

Yes, that definitely is an Erma moment. Only had it been me, the turkey would have fallen on the floor and not back into the bucket.

I had a minor Erma moment this weekend too. With that freeze back in April, there are no flowers in bloom in my garden so I had to make do with a greens arrangement. I collected spearmint (in honor of the Derby), ferny anise fronds, and lots of gray santolina from the herb garden. Santolina, in my opinion, is not really an herb but a weed. It has no culinary use, and it is so invasive that it takes over every garden it is in. We pull it out by the handfuls and a week later it is right back. So naturally the freeze didn’t hurt it at all.

I made a nice green herb arrangement in a Lenox vase for the dining room table. Forest green table cloth, green plaid runners, and creamy candles to match the creamy Lenox china. It was quite an elegant table with champagne flutes and silver. It’s not quite so elegant today. Sometime during the night the cat jumped up on the table and snacked on the herbs. They all have a slightly chewed on appearance.

Our famous Kentucky Black Seeded Simpson Lettuce is in its prime now. What a shame that this delicious lettuce has to be home grown, but it is so delicate that it will not ship. Within a hour of cutting it, it begins to go limp. It is traditionally served with a hot bacon dressing that wilts it immediately. Also good is this Spring Dressing from Louisiana. I found it in an old women’s club cookbook from the 1950’s. The only reason I can figure out that it is called Spring Dressing is that it calls for green onions, which used to be only available in the spring.

Spring Dressing From Louisiana:

3 green onions chopped–tiops included
1 tablespoon of lemon juice
A handful of parsley, chopped
½ cup of sour cream
1 cup of mayonnaise (not salad dressing)
1 garlic pod
3 tablespoons of red wine vinegar
Couple of shakes of Worchestershire Sauce
Sugar (Optional) to taste–usually 2 tablespoons

Chop the onions and parsley. Mince the garlic pod in the KitchenAid garlic-press. Mix all together and taste. Add sugar if needed. Some mayonnaise is much tarter than other brands. Store in the refrigerator in a covered jar for a week or more. This is very similar to Ranch Dressing, and we love it so much that I often double the recipe.

Turkey Dinner & Leftovers for a week!

This promises to be a really busy week with work, planting and meetings so I decided to cook a turkey so we would have lots of leftovers for sandwiches and casseroles. I put turkey on the grocery list for Rob to pick up. He bought a turkey all right. A 21 pounder! Frozen as hard as a rock and I wanted to cook it the next morning. Rob’s explanation for this monster was that at 68 cents a pound, it was the best bargain in the meat section.

Bargain or not, it was frozen solid. So I used a trick I picked up from a pheasant hunter who sometimes gives us some of his birds. At his club when they dress out the peasants for the members, they freeze them in a zip lock bag with enough water to completely encase the peasant. The theory is that the water keeps the bird from drying out with freezer burn. You thaw the bird in the bag and it is nice and moist.

People are always talking about ways to get a moist flavorful turkey as the long roasting period sometimes leads to dry white meat. I borrowed the peasant theory for turkeys and have never had a dry turkey.

I take the plastic wrapper off the turkey and submerge the entire frozen turkey in cold water until it thaws. In this case, it was a clean plastic bucket, and I left it out in a cool spot in the garage. By morning it was completely thawed.

And then I had an Erma moment. I carried that heavy five-gallon bucket of turkey and water into the kitchen and set it on the floor in front of the sink. I lifted the turkey by that stupid plastic lifter thing that you can hardly cut with the sharpest knife. Well, you can’t cut it, but they will break. Yep, about a foot out of the water that plastic lifter broke. The turkey fell back into the bucket and a couple of gallons of cold water splashed all over the kitchen floor! It took 3 heavy bath towels to soak most of the water. I suppose the floor needed mopping anyway. It was one of those little “disasters” that you are always having in the kitchen.

Floor cleaning over, I finally dried off that bird, rubbed him with soft butter and sprinkled on seasoned salt, dried sage, dried rosemary, and half a slice of minced Candied Ginger. Then I poured over a cup of orange juice into the large roasting pan. With the heavy Roaster you can drop the temperature to 300 degrees, which seems to give a moister bird. The orange juice and pan drippings make for a sweeter tasting turkey and gravy. The baster is such an improvement over the cheap old plastic basters that we used to use, and is certainly easier to clean up afterwards. I take off the lid for the last 30 minutes or so the bird is nicely browned. With the heavy heat retaining roaster, you can put the top back on after removing from the over and the turkey will stay hot for over an hour which gives you time to bake the other casseroles and dressing.

Best of all, I now have a week’s worth of meat cooked and ready to go. And you think turkey only for the holidays? Erma, wake up and smell the Gingered Turkey!

Rhubarb Snack Cake

So your rhubarb is growing like crazy too? Then you will want to try this Rhubarb Snack Cake Mary Katherine served the girls at coffee this week. No one guessed that there was rhubarb in it. The tender spring rhubarb cooks down so that there aren’t even pieces left in the cake.

Rhubarb Snack Cake:

1 stick butter or margarine
1 cup light brown sugar
½ cup white sugar1 large egg
½ teaspoon salt1 teaspoon vanilla
1 teaspoon baking soda
2 cups flour
1 cup sour milk or buttermilk
2 cups finely chopped rhubarb

Cream the margarine white and brown sugars in a stand mixer until fluffy. Add vanilla and eggs and again beat well. Mix the flour, salt and baking soda. Alternately add flour and sour milk. (So sour milk? Put 2 tablespoons of lemon juice or vinegar in a cup and fill with regular milk until it reaches the one-cup measuring mark.) Beat well after each addition. Finally stir in the rhubarb.

Pour into a greased 13 x 9 inch baking pan. Smooth the top flat and sprinkle on 1/3 cup white sugar blended with a scant teaspoon cinnamon. Bake in a 350 oven for 35 to 40 minutes and center of cake is done.

Serve warm. Reheat left overs in microwave. This is rich so you will get at least 16 servings. Mary Katherine served a small spoon of vanilla ice cream on top.

Rhubarb Bars

If you are having asparagus from your garden Erma, you probably are having rhubarb too. The April freeze ruined our early rhubarb, but it is now back and healthy. I know your family is not particularly fond of rhubarb, but try this recipe–and don’t tell them it is rhubarb.

Rhubarb Bars:

Bottom Crust:

1 cup flour
5 Tablespoons Confectioner’s Sugar
1 egg white
1 Stick room temperature butter

Grease an 9-inch baking pan. Process flour, sugar and butter in the KitchenAid 7-Cup Food Processor until the dough comes together in 20 seconds or so. Pat the dough gently all over the bottom of the pan. Pour the unbeaten egg white over the dough, and swish it around until all the dough is coated. Pour out the remaining egg white and save. Bake in a preheated 350 degree oven for 20 minutes, or until the crust is golden. Remove and cool completely.

Filling:

1 large egg plus the yoke and remaining white from the dough coating
¾ cup of sugar
2 ½ tablespoons of flour
Pinch of salt
3 cups finely chopped rhubarb
Red food coloring if needed

Beat the eggs, sugar, flour and salt. Stir in the rhubarb. If a deeper red color is desired, add a drop of red food coloring. This also depends on the redness of the rhubarb, as some varieties are not a deep red color. Spread this evenly over the crust and top with Topping.

Topping:

1/3 cup of sugar
½ cup of flour
Pinch of salt
¼ cup of butter

Place all into KitchenAid 7-Cup Food Processor and using short bursts, process into coarse crumbs.

Bake at 350 degrees for about 50 minutes until golden colored. Cool completely before cutting into small squares. This is rich with a nice tart taste.

Asparagus Vinaigrette

Max, I just read your e-mail. So you finally got that deluxe mixer you always wanted. It took you long enough to see the light and join the 21st Century. Liking to cook and do things in the old way is fine, but nothing tops a high performance machine to get you out of the kitchen fast.

It’s Derby weekend here, and as always the local asparagus is at its peak. One of the traditional dishes you MUST have at a Derby Brunch is Asparagus Vinaigrette. I will bet that the Farishes served a version of this to Queen Elizabeth along with tiny hot biscuits and country ham. Nothing could be more traditionally Kentucky Derby.

Asparagus Vinaigrette:

Four or five fresh asparagus per person. Spears should be at least as big around as your little finger. Steam the asparagus until it just turns bright green. It should still be crisp. As soon as you drain the asparagus top with the Vinaigrette and chill until serving. Serve on a lettuce leaf and a pimiento strip across the center.Vinaigrette (Makes a half cup)

¼ cup red wine vinegar
¼ cup salad oil
3 tablespoons of sugar
1 teaspoon garlic powder
1 teaspoon dried parsley flakes
1 teaspoon dried oregano or Italian Seasoning mix

Combine the vinegar, sugar, garlic powder, parsley flakes, and oregano in the bowl of a KitchenAid 3-Cup Chef’s Chopper food processor. Let stand a few minutes to dissolve the sugar, then slowly pour the oil in while running the processor.

This is also good on other raw vegetables or tossed salads.

Quick Batter Bread

Erma, just a quick e-mail to let you know that I finally bought that new mixer that I have been wanting for so long. Remember when we had to make do with those little, under powered hand held things that would bog down on a box cake mix? Well, now I have the queen of the kitchen mixers, a KitchenAid Artisan 5-Qt. Stand Mixer that does just about everything except scrub the floors. I got mine in Cobalt Blue to match the curtains and trim in the kitchen, but you ought to check out the pink one. It is you!

To test drive this baby, I made up Quick Batter Bread. This was one of the first breads I ever attempted, and even I had good luck the first time I made it so it must be foolproof. It’s good hot right out of the can, but it also makes a wonderful toast.

Quick Batter Bread:

1 package dry yeast
½ cup warm water
Pinch of ground ginger
4 tablespoons sugar
1 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons oil
4 to 4 ½ cups flour
1 can evaporated milk (13 oz.)

Place the yeast, ginger and 1 tablespoon sugar, and the warm water in the large mixing bowl and let stand 10 to 15 minutes until the mixture bubbles. Add the remaining sugar, salt, oil, and milk. Slowly beat in one cup of flour at a time, and beat well after each cup. With my old mixer I had to beat in the last cup or so of the flour by hand, but not with the KitchenAid Artisan 5-Qt. Stand Mixer. The dough will be heavy and too sticky to knead–but then you don’t have to knead it!!

Grease well two one-pound coffee cans, or one two-pound coffee can. Put the dough inside and replace the well greased plastic lid. Let rise for about an hour for the small cans, or about an hour and a half for the large can. You’ll know it has raised enough when the plastic lid pops off.

Bake in a 350 degree oven for 45 minutes for the one-pound cans, or 60 minutes for the two-pound can. Rub the dark brown top crust with a little butter. After it cools for about 15 minutes, slide the bread out of the can. Usually it come right out, but sometimes you have to help it by loosening the edge with a sharp knife. Stand upright and cool completely before trying to slice. This makes a nice peasant style bread that is wonderful toasted.